Thursday, June 27, 2013

A Thinking post!

Warning: This is a brutally honest post.

Over the last few days my weight has crept up and is showing close to 77 once again!!
 
I have been working out fairly consistently (5-6 days a week), going on my long runs and watching my food too! Its moments like these that I want to break down and really weep my heart out.
 
Weight loss is hard. Like stupendoudly hard. It takes - persistence, persevereance and patience. Or do they all mean the same? While I do recognise that the weight rise could be because my body is holding on the some excess fluids (because of hormonal reasons), because my bowels are not exactly contributing to weight loss, because of muscle gain/ muscle pain for picking up rigourous exercise again! which all may not exactly result in the size gain still, the difference between 74.5 and 76.8 is so hard for me to accept. I keep thinking its becasue of that roti I'm eating or that meal/(s) we ate out, that bite of dessert, that cup of bournvita or whatever - none of them are sinful foods per se - but seem like villians to my weight loss effort!
 
At 74.5 I thought another 4.5 kgs and I'm almost there in the 60s. It was that close. 77 is just emotionally hard number for me! I think I will react badly to that number any day I see it! Its threatening close to 80. Its depressing.
 
Having been at this weight loss thing for almost 3 years now, I also know the method of weightloss my body best responds to. All I need to do is cut the carbs - even complex carbs from wheat, millets and fruits, and stick to a protein based diet and tada - my body is shooting down numbers. The side effect of that is that - my stomach and intestines really bear the brunt of all my eating experiments. Stomach ulcer and acidity is something I've always had to grapple with. But lately I realised there must be some internal bleeding as well - cos ummm... there was blood when I went to the toilet!!!
 
Some self medication later, I guess I am better, but it makes me think whether clamping down upon my eating is all that necessary. The ultimate goal is health right? And I wonder whether I'm paying too high a price for weight loss.
 
I know solutions exist within my constrains - like to drink lots of buttermilk, tender coconut water, pomogranate, methi seeds and other remedies, but then I wish I had someone, standing beside me and giving me what to eat in hand! With the toddler, husband, a job and so many other things scrambling for my time, I find I treat myself badly at times - like I delay my own dinner until everybody has eaten. By then I lose appetite and dislike the food. And then many complications such as the ones above arise.
 
Sometimes I feeling I'm walking a tightrope. One wrong move and I pay a heavy price -only recently I had recovered from the hip pains I got from road running/ over exercising!! Now its this. Achieving weight loss through this myraid of tiny explosives is a challenge I have been at! I know I'm mostly through it. this final leg is going to be the most challenging and demanding. I am stepping up exercise. I'm going to back to journalling to, just in case. I really want to be done with this!
 

14 comments:

  1. i know exactly how you feel, about the tightrope. I guess the only solution is not to be so hard on ourselves and be consistent with ourselves. And ofcourse, the last few kgs are always the hard ones to lose. Other than that, I am in exactly the same boat as you 'stuck'.
    Hey and the blood in the toilet, PLEASE get it checked. It could be nothing, but better to be safe na.
    You take care.

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    1. thanks PK... your unstinting support is something I've come to look forward too...

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  2. Oh Sugar, dont be so hard on yourself.Weight is just a number and doesnt really say anything about you. You have come a long way and are healthy, dont hurt yourself in the process of achieving that goal weight. Just continue the good stuff, eating right and exercising. And just food for thought for you is that the famous tennis player Venus Willliams weighs 75kg so does that make her unfit, no its all muscle. So you are doing great and you are truly an inspiration. And I am sorry if I sounded patronizing.

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    1. Oh YummyMummy your comments are always so supportive and insightful!!! I feel like a rockstar for comparing with Venus Williams... I'm not all muscle though :)

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  3. (((Hugs))) to you. Please don't get dejected. Yummy mummy has said it so much better, so I will refrain from advising you. Just take care of yourself ok? Please don't get sad.

    Deepa

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    1. thankyou Deepa!! I guess I have cheered up already!

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  4. Sugar as Yummy Mummy says-weight is just a number :) You're so strong physically and mentally!

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    1. :) yes Sheetal.. but I wish for once atleast in life I could weigh a nice number :)but yes I get the point!

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  5. Sugar I agree with yummy mummy. I dont have the right to suggest anything on this (being a beginner myself in the weight loss) but many books on weight loss tells not to be fixated on a number. I am not sure how correct it is as not having a goal weight can sound totally unambitious. Whatever you have done has worked so far.. You are healthy you can run , you eat good, you have lost around 25 kilos, with a job, a kid... Not a simple feat lady.. I am so concerned for you...Do check with the Doc.. Take care.

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    1. Thanks so much for the concern Gowri! You are mostly right, but still I just want to make to a reasonable number :)

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  6. Sugar I agree with yummy mummy. I dont have the right to suggest anything on this (being a beginner myself in the weight loss) but many books on weight loss tells not to be fixated on a number. I am not sure how correct it is as not having a goal weight can sound totally unambitious. Whatever you have done has worked so far.. You are healthy you can run , you eat good, you have lost around 25 kilos, with a job, a kid... Not a simple feat lady.. I am so concerned for you...Do check with the Doc.. Take care.

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  7. Sugar, even I had blood while passing stools and doc said it could be coz of my first pregnancy..I had lot dry figs, butter milk is also best remedy..It think its coz of excessive heat generated due to exercise. Do check with doc but I followed Siddha medication and really helped me...don't get upset with numbers.. you have come long way..Cheer up!

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    1. Figs is a good idea. Guess I will go back to eating figs... thanks for the support and encouragement!

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  8. Sugar..Lots of hugs..I am in the same boat as you..weightloss is sooo painful.
    But don't loose hope...just keep doing.

    I was just seeing ur post about weight creeping up when u eat wheat as well...do you think you have gluten intolerence?
    In the US, recenlt I have been hearing lot of things about it..

    Take care...

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Yes. I Know you are thinking something. Please say it! Every word keeps me going!